For Local Blog in MinneapolisWhat does participation in organized sports really teach our kids?
July 9th, 2007By Kakie Fitzsimmons, Vice President and founding partner, Farmer’s Hat Productions co-author Bur Bur and Friends book series
My son began playing soccer at five years old. At this point we were about two years into writing multicultural children’s literature about sports, outdoor exploration and active play. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Little did I know we were both at the beginning of a metamorphosis in our lives that taught us both some key lessons.
At first, I observed he intentionally would stay back when all of the kids were running after the ball. It was as though he was waiting for permission to get in there. He didn’t know any of the other children and wasn’t sure how to jump in and participate.
At all of the practices, nobody was officially keeping score or even talking about who was winning or losing. Instead, everyone was cheering on all of the kids regardless of whether they missed kicking the ball, fell down or didn’t block the goal.
Parents were shouting from the sidelines comments like; “Nice work!”, “Good save,” “Good try,” “Get in there,” etc. One of the greatest things about watching kids as they begin to play sports is when you see the little victories by the smiles on their faces. Especially the ones where they are trying to play it off as no big deal, but you can tell inside they are about to explode with pride.
It was fun to see the kids grow throughout the months of games and practice. My son eventually figured out how to get in there and run with the ball along with his teammates. As the season came to a close, they were cooperating, jumping in there to participate and working together as a team. They figured out how to follow the rules, the importance of good sportsmanship — and to get back up when they fell.
They also learned the dynamics of how to engage other kids and develop social skills. For many of them, sports will become a lifelong passion. More importantly, they learned how to belong and be a part of something larger than themselves.
As for me, it was a lesson in letting go and allowing my son to figure things out for himself. Sometimes I think parenthood teaches us little lessons along the way of how to let go and trust in a process. The time seems to be passing along so quickly. I want to soak in every moment I can while I still have it because I know soon it will be a memory.
As parents, it is up to us to lay the foundation for them so they can learn the power and importance of making the right decisions. Then we simply do our best to point them in the right direction and hope for the best.
Please share some experiences about the lessons participation in sports has taught you, other parents and or with kids!
Seed Newsvine
July 16th, 2007 at 10:30 am
Sports teaches so many wonderful things… I think it also teaches “how to fail” in a graceful way. If kids “lose” the game, they will understand that you have to have good sportsmanship and try-try again. AND, that all things don’t always come easy, and that hard work… eventually pays off.
July 25th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
When my oldest son turned 4 I was so excited to enter him into a “Tiny Kickers” soccer game. Our neighbor was the coach and really needed a co-coach so I signed up as well.
There we were the two of us bulging bellies both pregnant “bouncing” down the field with our adorable tiny kickers!!
My son and another little girl were deemed “flower pickers” because of their special talent for stopping midstream during a “game” and picking flowers or singing me a song! It was precious! I never got upset nor did the other coach, but we could feel the vibes from the sidelines of other parents that thought we should take the game more seriously. We continued on with our easy going, let’s have fun first, learn teamwork, rules, make friends and taking turns.
Well my co-coach moved, but my son wanted to continue on with soccer. So my newborn son would sit in his stroller and sleep as other parents kept an eye on him.
I found another co-coach…the mom of the little flower picker girl that was so absolutely adorable! My friend knew soccer from playing it in high school and college. We were both laid back and loved keeping kids active, letting them have fun while playing a sport along with learning rules and safety.
Some of the other parents had other ideas…they felt we weren’t competitve enough. Oh, we were, just not “aggressive.” We were sad to see one kid so hard on himself because the dad was never pleased with his progress. Or the mom that would scream at the kids negatively sometimes using profanity to get her point across.
These kids were only 6-8 years old!
Then there was a mom that called me after a game one day. Two of her children were on my team. She was upset, crying and said, I thought we were friends!” I was at a loss.
Each child gets to play a minimum of 2 out of 4 play periods. I always rotated so that every kid got to play equally…that was so much more important than putting the good kids in and winning the game. Believe me we had some really amazing kids…but equally as many average player kids. To me it just wasn’t about who was better! Well her child got one less play period that day so I could let one of the less esteemed kids that really needed a lift and needed his equal game time play. The mom didn’t talk to me for years…she ripped me apart because I wasn’t a friend…all because I didn’t play her child for approx. 12 minutes of one game in an entire season.
That year taught me alot about organized sports…moreso about the parents and the pressure that these kids are under to perform for their parents.
I wasn’t asked back to coach that year as the league was changing and a bunch of us were too “non-competitive.” I was a flower picker…and I am still proud to pick flowers with any child that just choses to have fun!
August 9th, 2007 at 9:25 am
I feel that participation is the key to any pursuit our children undertake. I was blessed with 2 step-children when I married my wife 21 years ago. Our oldest was active in soccer (go figure in St. Louis, MO where this used to be considered the soccer capital of the US, at least in our minds). Our middle was active in clubs, starting with Brownies and continuing on through High School. Our youngest, though normally willing to indulge her father in his fishing fantasies (everyone should really buy the Bur Bur book on fishing, by the way) she didn’t have any aspirations of athletic pursuits.
Being that her mother and I had been obsessively active in school, we searched for her passion. We found it in music. She began piano lessons before age 5, then progressed to the cello in 5th grade (no wind instruments or percussion taught before middle school in our district). Then when she started middle school she took up the french horn. When her 5th grade orchestra teacher found out she was abandoning the instrument, he pleaded, cajoled, tried to enlist parents’ intervention to keep her from switching instruments, but when we posed the question to our daughter as to why give up the potential continuance of the cello, she answered simply and assertively, “Cellos aren’t in the marching band.”
So there you have it, when she started high school, she did so with the benefit of having already met 150+ friends with similar interests before she stepped through the doors of her high school because of the summer band camp program.
To make a short story long
Encourage your children to PARTICIPATE. Find something healthy from a physical and psychological perspective for them to get passionate about and support it. Some of our fondest memories include our son playing for the area CYC championship, our older daughter “crossing over” from Brownies to Girl Scouts and our younger daughter being the featured soloist in her senior year marching band show.
We love all the Bur Bur books; just got them in the mail yesterday. Read them often to you kids (for me it’s now grandkids, I have 2 now)