Putting family first - How do we make it a priority?
By Kakie Fitzsimmons, Vice President and founding partner, Farmer’s Hat Productions, award winning co-author, Bur Bur and Friends children’s book series that teaches kids about sports and outdoor exploration.
There are times I find myself off in my own personal “never never” land. It’s when I am so distracted, I am not paying attention to what someone around me is saying. Usually it is because I am deep in thought.
This happened to me the other day in a way that was different. I was driving down the road and suddenly realized that my son was in the back seat talking away to me about all kinds of things. Games he played in gym and how fun it was. At first, I had no idea what he was telling me because I was not paying attention.
What was different this time was that I had an awakening that brought me to the question: Am I going to blink and miss my son’s childhood because I wasn’t paying attention? I am curious to know if any of you have found yourself in that predicament.
A few years back I was watching an interesting community forum on PBS. The speaker was expert Bill Doherty, Professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota. He was having a dialogue with a group of parents about balance and how we all strive for it, but aren’t always sure how to define it. Doherty wrote a book along with Barbara Z. Carlson called “Putting Family First; Successful Strategies for Reclaiming Family Life in a Hurry-up World”, which is a great read.
One of the things that Doherty shared in the broadcast that really stood out for me was the importance of having family rituals. In his book, he explains the difference between routines and rituals by stating that rituals have significant meaning behind them. He mentioned that rituals don’t have to be time consuming either. The way he described family rituals made it seem less complicated than we sometimes make it.
A ritual could be TV-free family night, spending time getting active, going for walks, taking a bike ride. It could be reading a book together (of course, I recommend the Bur Bur and Friends book series!) In some families, a ritual might be a special saying that only you and your child or children know about. In part of my family our saying is: “Love you. See you. Bye.”
My son is almost 7 years old. As a parent, something that is important to me is that I create memories with him and for him that last a lifetime. I want him to know I am listening. One of the things I do a few times per week is lay down with him for about 15 minutes before bed time and we talk. It is a time we really feel connected because 100% of my focus is on him and that means a great deal to both of us. Some nights he opens up to me and shares frustrations, other nights we get silly, sometimes we take turns making up stories.
YOUR ASSIGNMENT:
1. Tell us if you have ever had a Am I going to blink and miss my kids childhood because I wasn’t paying attention? moment.
2. Tell us in the comments below what your family rituals are or suggest ones that might benefit others.
Seed Newsvine
October 4th, 2007 at 8:09 am
1. Yes, sometimes I feel the same way. My kids are older now 11 and 14 and it is hard to always listen to their babbling, but I have learned that it is very important to listen closely to what they say, they may be saying something important and memories are made that way.
2. Game night, eat dinner together, spend an afternoon just your family with NO distractions no tv nothing electronic.
October 5th, 2007 at 6:01 am
My blink moment usually comes at night. My son, Jack, doesn’t like to talk about his day right when he gets home. His chatty time is at night in bed. I am usually so tired by this time that I really just want everyone to go to sleep. Lately, though, I’ve realized that these moments, at night, when it is just the two of us, are not to be rushed as they will not last forever. I’ve made a concerted effort to not feel impatient with him and listen to him talk as much as he needs or wants to.
We have lots of family rituals associated with big days, like holidays and birthdays. I’ve tried to incorporate family rituals into ordinary days as well. A big one for us is going for long hikes at familiar parks in the spring and fall, and seeking out new hiking spots to add to our list of favorites.
December 21st, 2007 at 11:18 am
Yes, I have moments like that too. We get in such a rush between work and school and daycare and the kids’ activities that sometimes I forget to notice the little things. The time goes by so fast and it’s so important to cherish every moment that you can.
We have some family rituals - we snuggle with the kids every night for a few minutes before bedtime and I always tell them I love them at night and every morning when they go off to school or daycare. We also have ‘pick’ night for dinner every Friday - because by the end of the week I’m too tired to plan a family dinner and it gives the girls a chance to choose what they want, and they’re now getting old enough to make or help make it themselves too.