Comments on: Discussing tolerance & differences in biracial families

By: Gypsy

Gypsy — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 03:22:51 +0000

Thanks for this article. My son is 3 and daughter is 11 months. My daughter is biracial and son is not. This, I am sure, will become a topic for both of my children at some point. This article gave me something to think about when it comes time for us to discuss this to both of my children. I appreciate you sharing this.

By: Kakie

Kakie — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 15:11:13 +0000

Wow Valentina, I have never heard the term African Italian. It is interesting to hear your story from a eurocentric perspective. My son had a friend who is a 6 year old Asian boy who told him there is no way I could possibly be his mother because my skin was white and my son is brown. Needless to say it led to an interesting conversation.

By: Valentina Acava Mmaka

Valentina Acava Mmaka — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 09:15:59 +0000

Hi Kakie, very interesting topic. I’m also mother of three biracial children. We are currently livig in Italy (soon mooving to Africa).Here their diversity is widely seen, still people who don’t know us, hardly believe that they are my daughters and think they are adopted. Just to tell you how is multiculturalism in Italy. Mixed couples are still something “NEW” and not at all accepted. When my elder daughter was still little she asked me why her parents were of two different colors. To answer such an important question to a little girl, I thought of writing a story and it became my first children’s book.

She started since the beginning to represent herself with brown skin. My other two daughters when they were attending the first year of nursery, started representing themselves with pink skin color then after few months, facing also prejudices and discrimiantion from the others they started drawing themselves with brown skin and curly hairs. When today they have to relate themselves to a geographic identity, they say they are African Italian. That sounds great. They are fully aware of who they are and even proud of their bi -cultural identity. I think it’s very important for children awareness of their identity young. Living between cultures it is a great intellectual and emotional experience to share.

By: Kakie

Kakie — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 01:48:43 +0000

That is right Amy, it is what diversity is all about

By: Amy Bowllan

Amy Bowllan — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:23:37 +0000

I LOVE this post! It is so real, Kakie. My children are very “white” looking and consider themselves “both” to use their terminology.
I don’t feel the need to have them choose, because they are “both.” However, my son, who doesn’t look at all African American, tends to want to represent me. It is almost like he feels as though he has to stand in front of me. We only discuss race when someone questions them about me. They have a solid understanding of who they are as people. The beauty is seeing them interact in my sister’s neighborhood around their black friends, and then heading to Rochester to visit their dad’s family. I cannot tell you how liberating it is to see them so comfortable in both worlds. NOW we have to get THE WORLD to be comfortable. Right?

By: Kakie

Kakie — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 06:34:14 +0000

Hi Lorraine, you are asking some really good questions. I have read books, talked to biracial friends and authors who have written about being biracial. A common thread that I have found through these discussions is that they had a day, a moment when something happened where it became more real for them.

In a book written by Dr. Marguerite A. Wright, who is a child psychologist, she found in her studies that in black families, the discussion about race happens earlier than in non-black households. She wrote a book I highly recommend for everyone called “I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World: A Guide for Parents and Teachers”. In this book, she explains how kids developmentally come to understand race and culture.

I don’t pretend to know negative feelings of being black. I do know the feeling of prejudice and discrimination because I have experienced it. It would be ignorant for me to assume it isn’t out there. I think that sharing these truths with my son is not different for me than any other parent. I do think the experience will be different for him because he is biracial. He doesn’t have many black male role models which could make it more complex. I think the most important thing is that the dialogue we have about it is productive and meaningful. Thanks for posing such thought provoking questions.

By: LORRAINE

LORRAINE — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 05:23:08 +0000

Your son is just 1 year younger than my daughter .My daughter is just learning…understanding some of the lessons about race,being black,light colored skin, dad dark colored skin etc…It’s a ton to take in and it’s journey for all parents of black children. Black children know there is a difference ,they often times just don’t know what all that means early on. It can mean a host of things depending on the environment. Good and Bad.

I am wondering do you think sharing these ideas(truths) with your son is different for you because you are not black and haven’t experienced directly the negative feelings of being black ? Do you think it will be different for him because he is biracial? I have not even considered this topic in this light before this post.I appreciate your thoughtfulness toward the topic.