For Local BlogIs your home a soft place to land?
Written by an anonymous mom
My 13 year old daughter recently had an incident with her friends. The girls are all part of the multicultural club and they were working on a project collect food for the troops in Iraq. On a night they were assembling packages, there was a large bubble gum bag on top of a box. One of the girls tore the bag open and took “just one piece” and the others decided to participate, including my daughter.
As it turns out, they all were caught and got detention. The girls lied and acted like they didn’t do anything, but not my daughter. When she got home that day, she called me and I could hear her voice shaking. Quietly she admitted that she stole gum and felt really terrible about it. After we hung up the phone, she grabbed the only $5 she had, shoved it in her pocket, and rode her bike 2 miles to the local drug store, and bought as much gum as she could. She wrote an apology letter to the teacher and brought it all to school the next day.
When all the dust settled from the occurrence, we talked about the lesson she learned and how badly she felt. I began by saying; “Honey, I want our home to be a safe place and here is what I mean by that.”
I held up a yard-stick and said; “If this is the span of your life, I might compare the line to an EKG from a heart monitor.” I used my finger to illustrate along the line and continued by saying, “As you grow there will be little spikes, big spikes and sometimes flat lines. The big spikes are the major events that change your life forever. In the big picture, this incident will be a little spike. The important part of this whole situation is that you understood the difference between good and bad and you made the right decision to tell the truth.”
I continued by sharing; “Whatever mistakes you make, I want our HOME to be a soft place to land. THIS is where you can feel safe to make mistakes, figure out what you are supposed to learn from them and move forward. We will love you, teach you and allow you to grow no matter what. We all make mistakes. I’m proud that you did what you needed to make things right in this situation.”
Please tell us below how your home is a safe place to land.
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February 12th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Great story. I can only hope my 2.5 yr old is as responsible and thoughtful one day.
February 12th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Neat that she allowed for the absence of shame. A well I dug the illustration with the yard stick tied in with the spikes. Enjoyed it, thanks.
February 12th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
Hey,
Lovely post and philosopy. In our family our ’safe place’ is created by affirming to each other that regardless of what mistakes we all make, we are always worthy of love and respect. We reinforce this with one another daily.
Cheers,
Dixon.
February 12th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Very admirable. Good for you for being the kind of mom every child deserves.
February 13th, 2009 at 11:05 am
I loved this story! How delightful of you to share. =)
February 13th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Rob, Mark, Dixon, Renae and Andrea, thanks for your comments. This was the story of some near and dear to my heart and when they told me about it, I had to get it in writing, so I interviewed them for the details. The story was a gift to me as a parent. Glad you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
February 15th, 2009 at 4:21 am
Thank you for sharing! I wish all families were a safe place to land in…
Me and my daughter often talk about just this, to be open and honest and know that, no matter what, you are loved.
October 6th, 2009 at 7:22 am
Great story. I think I learned something from it.
October 6th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Most of Chinese students in Senior High 2 had read your article and I think they all considered your article as a treasure, as I do now.
Thanks for sharing.