How do children see & learn about color, race and culture?
Reprinted with permission from Dr. Marguerite A. Wright, senior clinical and research psychologist for the Center for the Vulnerable Child at Children’s Hospital in Oakland, California and is author of the book titled: I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla: A Guide to Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1998) 120-122. We highly recommend the book to parents and educators of every ethnic background.
An excerpt from the section, titled “Do White Children See Race Differently?” In the first part of Wright’s book, she outlines the developmental stages of how young children learn about skin color first and then race. She is discussing the meanings they associate with these attributes. Dr. Wright shares how to raise black and biracial children (and indeed, all children) with as little racial bias as possible in our race-conscious world. She ends her section on preschoolers with this passage.
Johnny Lee, a white man who was a former imperial wizard and a founder and recruiter for the Ku Klux Klan Youth Corps, vividly remembers his experience when he was five and saw a black man for the first time. Johnny said to his father, “Look, Daddy, there’s a chocolate-covered man.” Daddy replied, “No, son, that’s a nigger.” Lee said that it was at that moment that “the seeds of hatred” were planted that resulted in his life in the Klan, a life he later repudiated.
Unlike young Johnny, white children who have not been sensitized to race ascribe little importance to skin color.
Relatively few studies have been done on how children of other races, including whites, become aware of racial differences. Those available suggest that skin color is not as salient an issue for white children at the early grade-school stage of development as it is for blacks. It is understandable that young white children do not tend to regard skin color as important, since racial prejudice is generally not a factor in their lives.
I am impressed by how little race seems to matter to many of the white young grade-schoolers I encounter. Most of them, from families of friends and acquaintances, attend integrated schools or live in mixed-race communities. Their answers to my question about race are similar to Ian’s, a six-year-old white youngster. Ian described the colors of the white and black people as, respectively, “whitish” and “brownish;” he can identify the “Chinese” people and says that he has friends who speak Spanish, although he doesn’t have a special name for them. Like black children who do not come from racially obsessed families, Ian did not spontaneously describe or categorize people by skin color or race. Despite my repeated promptings, Ian could not think of a single way, other than skin color, in which blacks and whites differed. Although his level of understanding about how people get their color and his awareness of the existence of different racial groups was similar to that of black children, skin color did not seem as emotional an issue for him as it was for some blacks.
I have heard of Latino and Asian children for whom “race” became an emotional issue when they were subjected to teasing and other mean behavior because of their accents, their limited fluency in English, their different types of dress or the lunches they bring to school. Fortunately, however, most early grade-schoolers, regardless of race, do not seem to have stereotypes of themselves or of people who are different colors. Like preschoolers, they are inclined to see people as individuals rather than as members of a group—color, racial, or otherwise. Because of this developmental advantage, these early years are an optimum time for children of different races to get to know each other, before they become aware of the stereotypes that in time will rob them of their racial innocence.
I suspect that children in other countries with a history of racial discrimination develop race awareness in ways similar to American children. Several years ago, I met a lovely white six-year-old at the home of friends of friends while visiting Australia. From the start, she seemed very comfortable with me, unlike a few of the adults, all gracious people, who it seemed to me were trying a little too hard to appear at ease with a black person. Circumstances led to my spending much of the afternoon talking and playing games with her. It wasn’t until much time had passed and we rejoined the adults’ conversation that she began to ask me about myself.
First, she asked questions about my skin color—like: “How did your skin color become brown?” and “Will it change back?” Next, she asked me about my full lips. Her parents understandably were discomfited by her questions and took turns trying to dissuade her from asking me anything else. Actually, it was quite amusing. The parents were growing increasingly tense trying not to offend me, while their daughter, oblivious to their discomfort, became increasingly more persistent in her questioning. To make matters worse, their guest was not being very cooperative with the parents’ efforts to restrain their daughter.
In spite of my assurances that I didn’t mind answering the questions, the parents continued to try various strategies to silence their daughter, all the while doing their utmost not to appear anxious. Eventually, they found some pretext to escort her from the room. She had never seen, much less talked to, a black person before, and her curiosity was perfectly normal. I knew that to her, skin color and lip shape were just physical attributes, not the hot potatoes they were to her parents. When we said good-bye later that day, I felt a tinge of sadness; I wondered if I visited her again several years in the future whether she would see my color more than she would see me.
Even at this stage of development, children who have not been exposed to the racial prejudices of their family and society retain the remarkable gift of obliviousness to the social baggage attached to race. Dr. Laura Schlessinger, author and nationally syndicated talk show host, once told a marvelous story on her show about a childhood incident that illustrates this point. When she was a girl, she had a piano teacher named Charlie. Whenever he came to her home to give her piano lessons, he greeted her younger sister by hoisting her on his shoulders. One day, about a year after Laura had been taking lessons, Charlie did not hoist her sister on his shoulders. Instead, he bent down and gave her a candy. Her sister said, “Charlie, your hands are black!” This was the first time her sister had noticed Charlie’s skin color despite all the time they has known each other. Although she had been oblivious to his different skin color when she was younger, as she grew older, she was developmentally able to see the difference. Dr. Schlessinger concluded: “Racism is not congenital; it has to be learned.”
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February 20th, 2009 at 11:26 am
I think if the world could only see through a child’s eyes, it would be a better place. I teach in my children’s books that God accepts difference and so should we. And of course dare to be different. And too, I teach children that they have all answers within. God is good
It doesn’t matter if you are black or white or straight or gay, Jesus and God do not see difference. We are all God’s children. Again back to I wish the world could see through the eyes of a child.
Be blessed and know you are.
February 20th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
That is interesting…..it makes sense to me because I notice that many of my close friends and family members ( and myself at one point in my life) try to warn our children about how they have to make sure that they excel in school, obey their teachers and behave like they have some sense because ” You know white people already think that we are crazy!” I too have unknowingly contributed to planting seeds in their minds that they are different because of how they look. Now that I am more mature and wisdom has become a friend of mine…..I know better and do better. I tell my children that they are capable of anything that they want to do in life if they really want it and the color of their skin has no bearings on that….only the content of their character. Thanks for the article!
February 20th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
I find this to be very very true! Racism is learned, children are not born choosing to discriminate against others for the way they look. When children ask about differences between them and others it should just be explained in a matter of accepting that everyone is different in different ways. When my oldest asked why my co-worker’s skin was so dark, and it is, I was shocked. I thought how did she learn this? Then I realized she was just noticing something about someone else, nothing more or less. I just explained “everyone comes in different shapes, sizes and colors. Isn’t it neat how we are all different?”
February 20th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Charbear, Modejo10 and Melinda, thanks for your comments. One of my friends daughters used to call me black because I have brown hair. It took us a while to figure out what in the world she was thinking.
My friends other daughter (who is biracial) made a comment one day about a biracial friend that was talking about what color she was.
My friend’s daughter said, “I don’t know what her problem is, she is all mixed up just like the rest of us”. Needless to say, we all had a good laugh.
We appreciate you reading our blog and hope you keep coming back!
February 20th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I found it very interesting and it describes my experience. In fact my mom tells this story about my brother when he was little. She asked him who his friend was at school and he said that boy and pointed. My mom’s response was “oh the black boy?” my brother’s response was “well he is brown not black.” My brother never paid attention to his skin color.
We were raised to accept everyone, it didn’t matter what color a person’s skin was or what ethnic background was. I guess I take for granted, I have always assumed most people though the same way.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
I hope that my son never has to deal with racism…sadly it is a part of the world and I have neighbors that are racist, which is one reason my son isn’t allowed to play out back when they are outside.
He was a little baffled by his cousin’s father when he first met him. He is spanish, and has a dark complexion, but after he spent time with him they are best buddies!
February 20th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
My one year old is 1/8 hispanic, and im white with im sure other things mixed in (indian etc)
I think it is so cute how some little kids see no color. My nephew is 4, we were riding in the car the other day and my mother and i were talking about different races etc. and if kids saw color etc. I saw a black man walking down the street with a camoflauge jacket on and asked cayden what color the man was. Cayden said hes army color:) Never saw him as a black man. But just that he had a army jacket on lol.
My mom works with a black woman named tese. They were standing in the lobby one day and i took cayden up there, mama asked cayden if they looked different and cayden said yes, yall have different shoes on. Lol. hes cute.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Coming from a mixed race family I hear and see so much from the adults and children! When, (after speaking to me on the phone, writing back and forth, and exchanging multiple pictures,) meeting me in person for the first time my granddaughters were surprised at, and worried about me being white! lol I see adults look at us differently than children. Children are so marvelously unaware of anything but your friendship! I look forward to reading this book!
February 22nd, 2009 at 1:26 am
I have’t bought the book, but seeing all colors of people and little kids get along well together and be friends is just a beautiful thing to see. It is wonderful when kids only see a person instead of color while growning up.
Some grown up may need to learn a lot from the children and I think its unfair when kids with diffrent skin colors have been forbidden to play with them because of the skin color.
My sons best friend from Presschool till Kindergarten held hands the first time they met, my son is white and his friend is black. They were best friends. Our families are in the Navy and his family moved to the United States in Hawaii and we lost touch. A while later we also moved to Hawaii and ran into eachother! Even though the kids are not in the same school, we still stay in touch.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:13 am
Teresa, Carol, Tipidy and Peanut, We love hearing all of your delightful experiences and thoughts. The world is a diverse place and it is our differences that have the power to bring us all together as communities and society.
Thank you for reading our blog, we hope you keep coming back!