By Sarah Simons

Being female, I have always been curious about the inner workings of the male psyche. I’ve read stuff like Men are from Mars, and Wild at Heart, but never anything quite so bittersweet as Raising Cain, perhaps because the others are more about men, and this book is about boys. It is a comprehensive look at how boys in our society are often raised in a way that shorts them many of the emotional skills necessary to function well, and, gladly, gives suggestions for how to protect and enhance the emotional health of boys as they grow through adolescence into manhood.

One recurring theme throughout the book is the idea of “the Big Impossible”, a definition of masculinity that is based on performance. The problem with this is the emphasis on accomplishment, rarely sustainable for any length of time, rather than the more nuanced qualities of just being a man. Chapters address early development and school experiences, family, peer and romantic relationships, sexuality, troubling issues like drug use, violence perpetrated by boys, and isolation that can lead to depression. Each well-researched and engaging chapter creates the blueprint for rethinking how we approach boys in the realm of emotions, emphasizing the need to provide a whole collection of emotional materials and tools for boys to build a complete life that is a true reflection of a whole person.

The last chapter is a great Finale to the book, offering seven practical and substantial suggestions for teaching “emotional literacy” to those parenting, coaching, educating, or just hangin’ out with boys. It suggests that many boys are taught emotions in a way that falls short. If we give then the words so that they can understand the difference between anger and frustration, sadness and fear, compassion and warmth, it would be one of the greatest gifts we can share.

They really are a wonder, these boys, and it’s good to be aware of how we can encourage them toward emotional health and wholeness. I would heartily recommend this book to anyone concerned for this and future generations. It might even shed a little light on the adult men in your life!

Book Covers from the award winning Bur Bur and Friend’s children’s book series: Bur Bur and Friends is a cast of multicultural characters who educate kids about self-esteem, sports, outdoor exploration and active play though their experiences.

Seed Newsvine


For Local Blog
in Minneapolis

This entry was posted on Friday, June 5th, 2009 at 8:04 pm and is filed under Community Board. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.