A while back I posted a link called “A Lesson in Letting Go: A Story About Encouraging Kids to Make New Friends.” It was a story about a situation we dealt with when my son was younger.

As parents, it’s normal to have anxiety about how our kids will make friends. We know some will jump right in and others aren’t so sure. Perhaps we turn to parents, siblings, educators, friends or community resources for advice. Others research the internet to see what kind of information is at our fingertips. Teaching young kids how to make friends and participate in their community has to begin in the home. As a resource to get started, we came up with a mini starter-kit. Our hope is it will be a reminder of the things we already know, but need to hear again from a different source.

1. Be the facilitator. We teach kids through our actions. Walk over to another parent, child or group of children to say, “Hi, this is Jamelia, is it okay if she plays you? I think you will get along great.”
2. Invite and engage other kids near by; “Would you like to come over and play? What is your name? What a lovely name. This is Michelle.”
3. Take baby steps. Some kids start best in smaller groups, perhaps begin with just one child in the neighborhood or make a play date.
4. Encourage smiles and eye contact
5. Ask questions to get them thinking“What might be questions to ask a new friend so we can learn more about them?”  If done the right way, it becomes their idea and you become the smartest person in the world.
6.  Giving and taking compliments: Teach them how
7. Create Awareness of others: Tune in to the actions of other kids around them. Is there a child on the sidelines who isn’t sure how to join? Sometimes the teachable moment comes later; “Do you know why I asked Nathaniel to play? I noticed he looked like he wasn’t sure how join in. He seemed kind of left out and that isn’t such a good feeling is it?”Another teachable moment that can plant a seed of empathy for other kids.
8. Positive reinforcement & praise: Celebrate their victories. When playtime is over, model the behavior; “Thanks for coming over and playing, let’s do it again soon!” Then in private say “Didn’t it feel great to make a new friend?” (A huge smile on our face at this time helps too.) “You did a great job and you should feel proud of yourself.”
9. Letting go:  As they develop they will grow into it themselves. Sometimes the experience can be bittersweet. We grieve the loss of a moment and embrace the new with celebration. Exactly as it should be.
10. Discuss what a good friend is and what it is not

Do you have other suggestions about how to teach kids to make friends? Do you have stories about it? We would love to hear your stories below. Thanks for visiting!

Book Covers from the award winning Bur Bur and Friend’s children’s book series: Bur Bur and Friends is a cast of multicultural characters who help kids cultivate their self-esteem and talents by teaching them about sports, outdoor exploration and active play though their experiences.

Written and posted by Kakie Fitzsimmons

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 24th, 2009 at 11:11 am and is filed under Community Board. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.