For Local Blog in MinneapolisHaving a Great Marriage – and a Special Needs Child
January 26th, 2012
Just when your world shifts with a life-changing diagnosis for your child, you may also be told to get support as a couple – because according to some stats, the divorce rate for couples with special needs kids hovers around 80 percent.Okay … so along with significant stress, more monthly appointments than many people experience in several years, an intensified care-taking role and oh, by the way, all the same everyday demands of life, you’re somehow supposed to find extra time to nurture and care for the additional special needs of your marriage.
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So let’s focus on this statistic …
18 percent of couples with special needs children say their children have actually brought them closer together.
Here are some attitudes and tips that can help this be true for your marriage and life together raising a special needs child …
Continually remind yourself that you’re in it together.
Every couple needs to stick together but never is this more important than when a couple faces the challenges of raising a special needs child. No one understands or shares your pains – and joys – with you as uniquely as your spouse. Intentionally choose to see this, talk about it together and choose to use it as an amazing and fortifying aspect of your marriage.
Guard against shutting people out – especially your spouse.
Research has shown that although parents of special needs children do have additional demands and stresses, marital problems are not primarily caused by the time and effort it takes to attend to the child’s needs, but more so from the tendency for couples to withdraw into themselves and stop communicating with one another. Remember, you are not alone – share with your spouse, lean and offer support as well.
Remember – little things are big things.
Getting away together as a couple, having scheduled date nights, etc. are certainly healthy and supportive for your marriage. But between those events and during times when those things just aren’t happening as often as they should – do little things …
Like …
If you can’t spend an evening together at your favorite restaurant, stop there and pick up your spouse’s favorite appetizer or dessert and share a few moments together at home. Call, text, instant message or email during the day to let your spouse know you’re thinking of them – these little communications help couples feel connected, more united and not alone. Express appreciation, offer compliments and communicate kindly. Often times, we extend more courtesy to casual acquaintances than we do to the most important person in our life – be mindful to build your spouse up with positive and affirming words. It’s not something you’re doing just for them – it will have a positive ripple effect across your whole life.
January 27th, 2012 at 7:26 am
I'm sure there are challenges ahead that arent even imagined. I can only believe with determination and love, it can become a positive growth experience.
January 28th, 2012 at 11:34 am
Hi Diane, thanks for visiting and reading our post. I agree with you. No one ever promised this life would always be smooth sailing, but everything happens for a reason.